+slacking days

~back to the best ^^

-7 sins

~pride
~envy
~lust
~gluttony
~greed
~sloth
~wrath

-radical hatefultism

~i have become a hateful person...

~filled with anger and hatred...

~always ready to condemn rather than think for others...

~am i ready for the dark side?

-so god dam tired

~its so freaking tiring... i dun noe why... lethargic

-parting

~i kind of feel sad... cos my course ended... will miss the people there... especially the lecturer... he's a humorous guy... ^^

~well... it just ended... 2 months i think... hmm...the final exam was tough anyway... it was like a tee kum session...

~studying will make sure you don't fail, but thats about it...

-BIG DAY TOMRROW EXAM!

~after studying like mad for 72 hrs or so, i think i am prepared...

~i think... i can't even say i am... oh man... fking tough module...

+k to the rythem

~lolx went kbox today with clement,sp,lag lolx funnnn but XXXXXXX T.T broke... again...

+my eyess..... no....

~when i was young, my eyes will miraculously heal itself ... hence i wasn't short sighted...

~i always had perfect eyesight 9/9... or was it 6/6... wadeva...

~now... i think i am getting old :X... i start to see blury things le... nooo....

~studying made me go short sighted too i guess... since i started picking up books from the library in 21 years lolx...

-the meaning

~if you have money, you can seek material pleasure

~if you have health, you can seek world-ly joys

~if you have neither, you can seek redemption through constant struggles

+beautiful

~i fking love this song... i sort of relate well to it... sang by christina aguilera... awesome singer... awesome song...

~you are beautiful.... no matter what they say... their words can't bring you down.... not today.....

~went to "celebrate" papa and bro's bdae today... just a gathering that is scarce in recent times...

-groggy time

~we all livee in the yellow subbbmarineeeee yellow subbmarineeee yellow subbmarineeeeee...

-emofication

~its not my wish to emo... but i don't think its anybody's wish to do so either

~dreams make a big part of me, although they mostly remain as dreams...

~i am incapacitated... i viewed myself as that since 12...

~its important to live your 1 life to the fullest... but what can i do when i cant' do it.. i can't...

~why? ... when... will i be alive again... this struggle is just too much for a kid of 21... all i ever wanted for christmas,newyear,bdae,wadeva special day, is to be alive. alive being very much vague... but it will be in me forever... it probably will stay within me for my life, until perhaps someone comes along the way to spare me of this sadness...

~its true that listening to sad music instils sadness and loneliness in you... i agree... CHM... i agree...

~i had the dream again today... about CHM... its just weird... why would i dream of someone when i don't even think about anymore... it doens't make sense... is it reminiscence time? even though i thought we had great times but i wondered why it still lingers within my pathetic brain cells...

~do dreams really tell a story? if so... then what? it just halts my march to carry on living and force me to reconsider my past... time machine is always needed in my life...

~if you ask me the question of "if i could live my life again", i would prolly live it so different that angles will protrude over 360 degrees.

~i dun even know what i want or what i am gunning for even now... i am 21....i just seem to be losing track of time... it only seem i was 18 yesturday... everything seem so distant now...

~army makes me realise i am human afterall, not lost in my own time...

~sch makes me realise i am a kid afterall, not free to do what i want

~Health, the almighty breaker of my life, probably made me realise that without health , money won't really make your world go round... it just stops and jerks and make your ride in life bumpy as hell...

~time flies... it really does... i hate to know it... i hate to admit it... but i realise it does fly...as much as to my dismay... sch was really great... meeting up with friends and classmates and doing shit together... it was awesome... now, its like its gunning for the workzone lifestyle... competition being key... bell curve to determine your fate... etc... its all unhealthy to me... its stress inducing... and it sucks to the core...

~i like history, computers, astronomy.

~history has too much writings involved... maybe i was only interesting in the war especially the romans kicking ass all over europe....

~computers was too technical... too much 101010101 code stuff etc... maybe i was only interested in the games...

~astronomy was too unknown and too much physics... which i happen to excel in... and i love the unknown and the heavenly bodies... it was prolly the best course for me... too bad i wasn't accepted thx to my lousy maths grade of donkey...

~i got sucked in computing now... and i think its going to be a wrong choice for me seriously... i would really thrife to do well in maths in alevels if i had the chance to relive again... and i will make dam sure i get into the dam astronomy course in NTU... well life isssn't a bed of rose is it... it never was... never will be...

~i am probably anti life... i hate life... even though i would very much like to love it... i just wasn't been able to do so... its draining the life out of me... its draining my sanity... its just hard... but... theres probably a whole score of people who have much worse circumstances to face with... but everyone is unique... nobody wants to be a commoner... we only have 1 life... its impt to live it up... although fate is unique too... it binds your destiny from start to end... it leaves you with no choice but to live whats uniquely planned for you... i guess thats unique too lolx... .

~anyway i just hope that the earthquake in me will stop soon forever... its just wreaking too much destruction... to the point of no return... getting the external helps may help for some, but some will just make it worse... i just don't know how to face adversity anymore... its going to be the 10th anniversary of adversity soon... and i ain't celebrating ... the war is far from over ... and the odds of winning aren't good... it issn't even relieving... its damming me... it hurts even more when people stabs those daggers into your very existence... not knowing that they have dropped nuclear bombs on me... but they just continue to do so as if USA were justified to drop those on JAPAN... its just so wrong... to me at least....

~adversity is soemthing which has claimed much of me... i haven't been able to defeat it... i am starting to lose faith in that... is it really necessary for me to have a religion to place my faith in and to tide me over this horror? i dun noe... the sanity is just blurring now... i no longer have the ability to make a decision... everything seems to be the wrong decision... even if 1+1 was 2, it might turn out to be a god dam window without the top and bottom pannels in my life...

~i hate this sinking feeling.. and it always starts when i have a dream of CHM...