-my mind, the troubled, the end

~i think too much... to the extent i can't sleep...

~it kind of sux, its getting worse... perhaps its time to silence it? lolx... i wonder

~i dreamt of things which i normally couldn't recall when i wake up... but its getting more vivid nowadays... i can start to recall some, but not others

~i remembered dreaming of my primary sch, where the toilet was revamped to become a swimming pool with the new toilet in there... it was dark though, kinda eerie...

~then i dreamt of talking to by chairman in sec 4, something about her camera or sorts? but i don't really recall well..

~only troubled people thinks and reflects so much in life... it gets worrying... ( ok maybe maniacs too) some people call this process EMO (emotional) but perhaps those people will never know that much about such things...

~when you start to sit down and really reflect on your life and your future, you prob will understand that regrets are normal... life is good, but it could be better, definitely

~maybe all this troubles plagued my sleep, causing my immune system to go bonkers.... sad... but theres nothing i can do... perhaps do yoga? lolx... no thx... its part of growing up...

~alas, it seems like my life is flashing by me now... but in my sleep

~perhaps i am dying... because this happens when you are at the end of your life... bless... or when you have learnt to grow out of your predicament

~i just read an article in the LIFE! section today of straits times, about RUI EN... my heart goes out to her

~everyone has their own problems, its the extent that differentiates... i think i am quite similar to her... i am sure there are others out there...

~she mentioned about changing her first 24 years of her life, quoting that many others wouldn't when asked... i think i would change my life too, every single minute, every single second... if i had the choice...

~i destroyed it to my dismay and its not rewarding when you grow up till this age of 20. i made too many a mistake and its too hard to swallow now... its overbearing... i am lucky to have a good family unlike RUi EN... i really love my family its been great, except me

~perhaps i should stop being a screwed up persona to my family and learn to grow up... because perfection is not a reality, money issn't a cure, power/fame/popularity are not forever... its time to face the truth that this society offers, or die trying...

~i thank you RUi En for your insight, because i finally (prob) realise that what i have been trying to do all my life (20) is to destroy it

~not everyone is a runner, not everyone can complete a marathon, not everyone has buck loads of money, not everyone is kind caring and concern, not everyone is able-bodied, not everyone has the good looks, not everyone has the alluring scent to smitten others, not everyone has the brains to solve the big bang, not everyone has the ability to smile in adversity, not everyone believes in god or celestial beings(not the gundam 00 one...) or extra-terrestrials for the matter of fact ... not everyone... its a matter of uniqueness... individuality, that makes us humans... not robots...

~if you try to be someone you are not meant to, you might achieve some success, but at a cost of something else much more valuable... its not worth it ,you might understand one day... although some times its worth it...( lolx i am contradicting myself... even i am confused... )

~maybe i am just a confused lamb in a wild jungle, it gets pretty annoying. maybe i shouldn't take computing, i should go down the path of psychology, i prob need it more

~i think today is reflection day, cos i am reflecting much more than usual

~anyone i was looking through all the year books and report cards of the past. i realise that i didn't have the rvhs 2001 2002 year books... crap... so i missed out on my photos and sorts.

~i looked back at the past, and realised i really need to change the past if not, the future... its disheartening... i didn't deserve it... i deserve better.

~if only i didn't commit the wrong moves, then it wouldn't lead to the unstoppable avalanche...

~my bro said i was filled with human pride and proud of myself as a human when i told him that human's don't need god's faith to pull through difficulties.. .perhaps i am really pride-ridden.. i am starting to understand that my own pride, god's faith or wadeva else, don't give you anything... its your own perseverance that pulls you through. ( wadeva your perseverance links to) maybe lady luck does help at times.

~i think i am getting sick due to typing so much feelings through and through... maybe its the medicine that's making me sick... who knows... the sick aren't worth the penny of thoughts, thats prob what the society instills... but not everyone is affected i am glad...

~its time to look to the bright side of life once again...