- DO OR DIE DAY 21: average

~things are getting better... i think

~you were right, life is short, world is big, why waste time on fk up people.

~but its sad, cos people i tot were good turns out to be fk up people.

- DO OR DIE DAY 20: bad

~i picked up a shield today... so that i can deflect the laser beams...

~still kinda injured

~i realise i need like 12 hrs of sleep

~people say as you get older, you need less sleep, how come i need more?

~becos i am injured? or i am injuring myself continuously lolx

- DO OR DIE DAY 19 : very bad

~why is life so hard...

~must we really suffer first before we learn to appreciate the good in life?

~but how long more must i suffer...

~i already know whats good whats bad...

- DO OR DIE DAY 18 : bad

~ seems like my injuries are healing oh well... lets hope i don't get stabbed again lolx

~btw, today was the 2nd time i found a girl's stuff left behind after class... dam!

~i wonder if this is the norm... maybe my speciality is LOST AND FOUND ... dots...

~worse of all i got on the bus heading home and she msg me... -.- had to return to sch again becos i sensed her need for the laptop....lolx....

~anyway jam hsiao's version of 我怀念的 is dam nice and touching. i think his version is better than stephanie sun's one! lolx...

~萧敬腾 - 我怀念的

作词:姚若龙 作曲:李思菘

紫.sè制作 QQ:253057646

我问为什么 那个人 传简讯给我
而你为什么 不解释 低着头沉默
我该相信你很爱我 不愿意敷衍我
还是明白你已不想挽回什么

想问为什么 我不再是你的快乐
可是为什么 却苦笑说我都懂了
自尊常常将人拖着 把爱都走曲折
假装了解是怕真相太赤裸裸
狼狈比失去难受

我怀念的是无话不说
我怀念的是一起做梦
我怀念的是争吵以后
还是想要爱你的冲动
我记得那年生日
也记得那一首歌
记得那片星空 最紧的右手
最暖的胸口 谁记得
谁忘了

想问为什么 我不再是你的快乐
可是为什么 却苦笑说我都懂了
自尊常常将人拖着 把爱都走曲折
假装了解是怕真相太赤裸裸
狼狈比失去难受

我怀念的是无话不说
我怀念的是一起做梦
我怀念的是争吵以后
还是想要爱你的冲动
我记得那年生日
也记得那一首歌
记得那片星空 最紧的右手
最暖的胸口 谁忘了

我怀念的是无言感动
我怀念的是绝对炽热
我怀念的是你很激动
求我原谅抱得我都痛
我记得你在背后
我记得我颤抖着
记得感觉汹涌 最美的烟火
最长的相拥 谁爱得太自由
谁过头太远了 谁要走我的心
谁忘了那就是承诺
谁自顾自地走 谁忘了看着我
谁让爱变执着
谁忘了要给你温柔

我怀念的~
我还有想要爱你的冲动
我记得那年的生日
也记得那一首歌
记得那片星空
最紧的右手 最暖的胸口
我放手 我让座 假洒脱
谁懂我多么不舍得
太爱了 所以呢 没有哭 没有说

- DO OR DIE DAY 17 : bad

~seems like the 1st wave assault has died down...

~but i still have all the injuries suffered... now i need a medivac....

~i wonder whether the stim packs i am taking will kill me ultimately lolx...

-DO OR DIE DAY 16: bad

~wah seh.... i am getting wacked so badly by those thugs.... 50% dead

~funny, i once asked someone whats his hobby. he said doing nothing...

~i tot it was weird. but now i realise i also don't feel like doing anything... lazy?

~it seems more like i just want to end this life.

- DO OR DIE DAY 14 : bad

~OWWWWWWWWWWWWW........ so many war zones everywhere.... ambushes lying in wait in the main route... wah seh... they all charging at me now.... i feel so defenseless lolx

-DO OR DIE DAY 13: bad

~hahaha... i found a 3rd route down the dam mountain today...

~hmm... looks like now i have to change again... i don't know what to do now lolx

~maybe i should just continue down that main route with so many enemies or i should go this 3rd route... filled with plants ...

~lolx.. this is tough... oh well

-DO OR DIE DAY 12: average

~funny.. people live life everyday. i fight with life everyday. why am i subjected to this shit.

~is it really to make me a better man at the end of the day? lolx... that would suck man...

~i don't know... i think i have been honed to a sage already... its time to let me be free ! almighty! if you exist!

-DO OR DIE DAY 11: bad

~ chao ji xing guang da dao 7's judge team pk format is awesome la... lolx... so dam exciting.

~i used EPO today anyway, wonder if i works. but seems to be getting worse. the route down hill is harder and harder

-DO OR DIE DAY 10 : average

~i didn't have a choice. if i had to choose between knowing you but being shallow VS not knowing you and don't do a shit, then i would choose the former. at least i get to know you

~in life, jeff says that just give up and look for someone else. yes, the world is huge, but that feels to me like you just go around and try your luck. you take what you can and lead a happy go lucky half past 6 life.

~i just feel that sometimes, we have to fight for what we really want. nobody said it was easy blah blah blah. we all know life ain't easy, but how many really know how to fight for it.

~its a pity that i took 10 years. if i had known you earlier, thru proper means, or fate, then perhaps i wouldn't need to do crappy things and scare the crap outta you.

~i feel sad that you chose to erect a cold wall between us. i guess it just wasn't fate.

~i always wonder why i make all the wrong choices in life. maybe i really need to build a dam time machine. too many regrets are turning my life topsy turvy.

~life is about moving ahead. but i keep getting impeded. do i really have to take what comes and let what goes goes? i hate that ideology. but i guess life is really random. thats why when you really get together with the one person you really like, you will learn to treasure it with your life.

~sounds like fairytales... i still prefer the virtual world to reality. reality is filled with too much of crap. i just don't feel like i am alive in the real world. i can't find my existence.

~maybe jeff is right. i should let go, after all, i don't think i am ready. i am still unstable. she prolly found someone already. i wish her all the best in life. i feel pity. every sentence in my mind starts with a why. why did it end up like this.

~i can only draw from this experience and perhaps understand the future better. maybe i am just cursed. if only if only if only... crap...

~i feel like i am losing everything in this world. my world...

~it just keeps crashing down... my world... i have climbed thru the rumble for god knows how many times already...

~anyway, i am powerless... at the moment... i lament this fact... i can't do no shit...

~i have been powerless since 12... i hated this feeling... but it became so common after a decade... i wonder how long it would last...

~when will i be freed from my shackles... i don't want to experience another downfall... another calamity in my world... it just keeps rocking... i haven't gone mad, that is a blessing.

~i always say take life with a pinch of salt. but i find it hard to do what i preach. i just don't feel like giving up. but idon't have the weapons to fight this war.... why... is it because i don't believe in religion? or am i punished for my sins in my previous incarnation... pretty farfetched... but who knows... its still on the border of fact and fiction.

~i think i undersatnd better why people commit suicide. becos between draggin out your sorry ass life VS living the life you want, i think its suffice to say that sometimes, life ain't worth living.

~i don't know... i get this feeling now that i realise my world has collaspe. matters of the heart are so easy to make or break a weak person. btw the weather is freaking hot :X

~i think i will take a week to get over this. maybe 2 weeks. i don't know. luckily its recess week now. or else i won't be able to concentrate in sch. ha... i am pathetic. letting such things affect me. but at least taht shows i am human?i don't know. excuses.

~life is a torture atm. i can't end it, cos i have responsibilities to my love ones, i can't endure thru it too, becos its too heartbreaking. i think i should just become a monk. screen myself from the affairs of the world. i failed to take life with a pinch of salt.

~and she felt scared about my approach... i didn't know i was so imposing and scary. now i am being mistaken for a psychopath... oh great... life just loves to make fun out of people. the logic is simple as i mentioned before. passive or active. i chose the active choice, now i am a psycopath. if i chose passive, then nothing would have happened. well i guess being mistakened for a stalker is better than nothing. lolx... thats dumb...

~but i feel pity ... did i mention pity yet? yea i think i did... wadeva... now that she has found someone close, i think its time to let go... jeff... should i really follow your advice and let go? .. i don't know... i don't want to give up ... but theres to track for me to run as much as i want to... this seems the end... i am too late... this is fate..... wadeva... blah blah blah... i .............. i.... don't know what to do........ seriosuly........... why am i so pathetic at 22..........

~maybe i will understand better at 30....... i think i would look back at myself today and regret again........ crap........... what a waste of time........ .........

~i shld go do something else......... .....................................

~i wish you all the best PL. iam saddened that this is prolly goodbye. and i wish that my life will turn for the better...

-DO OR DIE DAY 9: bad

~hmm... bad crap shit...

~why do i always meet crap on my journey.. nothing ever last... lolx... maybe only diamonds are forever crapp...

~ i realise that FO is not that good after all.. hmm...

~also i saw a post on FB that slam dunk is based on a real person's life ... sakuragi hamamichi or something

~wow... that is inspirational... too bad that dude dies in real life at age 18 while visiting his sick dad... the manga had it the other way round though, his dad died.

~i guess real life is always not as ideal as the imaginary ones... thats why i am so attracted to the virtual world, where it is more "perfect"...

~but then again, maybe its time to experience this flawed real world, becos after all, we live in this world that is not perfect.

-DO OR DIE DAY 8 : average

~seems like its a bad idea to have reinforcements... now everything is in a mess... don't know what is bad and what is good for my progress... crap

-DO OR DIE DAY 7 : bad, stop FO

~atama wo itai desu yo.... totemo itai na... -.-

~shinu to omoimasu... watashi wa..

~i gained the ability to predict the future today

~beecos i know tml i will fail the physics test.. -.- sucks

~first time in my life haven't take test i know i confirm fail liaoz... ..

~last time even i never study i also know may pass, lolx...

~but this one i know i study also will fail ... crap

~looks like i don't have to sleep today... GG...

+(back to main route)DO OR DIE DAY 7 : average

~seems more messy the side path... haix... it always doesn't work

~looks like i have to go back to the same old main route... lets hope i can still go down that route..

~hopefully resistant is not so much now

+DO OR DIE DAY 6 : average

~seems that this path is safer and easier... i hope it last...

~i don't know if the aftereffects of the 1st path hindered anything in my 2nd path now.. -.- if it did, that would suck

~i realise that the world is filled with all kinds of people... funny... some people are really nice, some are nice for a motive, some are not nice for a motive, some are plain asshholes lolx...

~i think i am a plain asshole :X .. .. lets hope i can be a better person

- (ALTERNATE ROUTE) DO OR DIE DAY 5 : ok? burning, sick, stomach flu

~omg... may day may day... going down...

~i just felt sick all over

~man... this is one hell of a battle... -.-

~i decided to take the alternate route down the mountain.

~the main path holds too much danger... 1/6th journey down the mountain and i am half dead already ...

~somehow , i wonder if i will remember all these lingo 10 years down the road lolx

~oh well... its been so long since i really smiled. i wonder how long more do i have to wait till i can be myself again

~i decided to call myself a funny and stupid name cloud chan in jap lolx

きょうから、わたしのあたらしいのなまえはくもチャンですよ！

-DO OR DIE DAY 4 : average , dry lips , slight depression?

~i realise that my life is filled with regrets. ok i realised that a long time ago.

~these regrets just keep piling up... like crappy homework.

~i guess the real reason i wanted to study physics was to build a time machine. i wanted to go back to the past so badly, make things right, change my life.

~now , i bare the many scars of my past. its sad to live out a pseudo life and not the life i really wanted.

~but then again, how many people have the luxury of living the life they want? perhaps a few? but i do know many struggle and fight for their ideal lives.

~does this define us as human ? i wonder... perhaps its time i stop this crappy talks and get down to business.. but alas, i am still tightly bounded... ... i wonder when i will be free..

~people get to dream... but my dreams are almost always about regrets... i so badly need to be back to my day 1 at sec sch... it still seems so vivid.. as though it was ytd... at the poarch.... with all the little kids.. around... i was looking forward to life, i was normal to say the least...

~now... i am but a pale shadow of my former self... is this all fate? is there really no fight or challenge to what is destined for me? i don't know... sometimes i wonder how long more i can hold on... or is ending everything the easy way out, or rather the coward and irresponsible way...

~i am indebted to many around me, and that makes me even harder to make a choice. its not as clear as 1+1. thats why i always say, if you are smack in the middle, you are having the worst time. you don't know to despair for life or rejoice for life. its a see saw battle. test of endurance and determination. i know i have plenty of those, because i may still alive after going thru so much shit.

~i just wonder when my destiny will change. when i will stop being given the short end of the stick. when i can live my life out as a normal person. maybe next life? if there is a next life.

~i dread the nights when i wake up in the middle of my sleep, becos i know i won't be able to sleep anymore, for that night i mean. its hard. once the regrets flow in , they just seem to be never ending.

~i don't know why i am so negative. perhaps i meet to many positive peeps in my life. maybe i should go see the unfortunate. then i may feel better. but .. i don't know... consolation is the last thing i am looking for. i think what i really need are practical results. things that are tangible. not feelings or emotions. i neeed results.

~i applaud the courage of those who live thru their lives as though it is the end the next day, even with their conditions. i don't know, it makes me kinda feel like i am capable of such too. i think i just haven't straighten out my thoughts.

~its hard i guess.. 10 years of shit afflicted on me, since 12. i wonder what i did to deserve such punishment. my facebook's status had this quote that says "what is the worst form of torture", to which i gave a not really true answer, physics. ok, physics is hard, but the torture, well, is not even at the same scale as what i am suffering now. so the true answer to that question? well, the fking afflictling fk that is fking my life upside down.

~people tend to have a brave front, and i think mine is prolly one of the most undying ones. it keeps crumbling , but i kept rebuilding it, with sweat and blood. i don't know how much more before my body crumbles. but i am very thankful to my family for understanding and helping my life out.

~too bad, people don't understand what i am going thru. they and their potty mouths, immature brains, unevolved thought process are appauling. i think i matured too much, to the point that i question the ways of the world. is it good? is it bad? i don't know. i don't have time to write another gp essay. btw, screw gp :)

~i slept at around 10.30pm today, woke at 2am. around 4 hrs of sleep, and 6 hours of waiting through the silent night, for the dawn to break. it hurts to see the morning rays physically and mentality. it seems so fiercly emitted that it threatens to pierce my fragile skin.

~anyways, i think this is one of my longest post to date. is it an accomplishment? i think it means my life is going downhill. i don't know. is it good to reflect so much? i guess so... but it also means that i m emoing too much. is it bad to emo then? maybe not, makes you a better person and understand life better, you start to have a feel that the world is not rosy.

~if i could, i would fight for my life
~if i could, i would turn back the clock
~if i could, i would be a better son
~if i could, i would not emo
~if i could, i would live my life as though it is the last day
~if i could, i would treasure everything around me good or bad
~if i could, i would strive for excellence, academically and socially
~if i could, i would not be addicted to gaming which practically destroyed me
~if i could, i would make sure my health does not deteriorate
~if i could, i would go out and see the world with my own eyes, feel it with my feet and touch it with my hands
~if i could, i would not make the mistake of being a fk tard
~if i could, i would be more expressive and courageous
~if i could, i would not cause hurt to anybody for any reason
~if i could, i would and i must.

~its 4am now. i hope i can sleep

- DO OR DIE DAY 3: bad

~i wonder how long more do i have to be put through these trials...

~it seems that it will make me a better person, but somehow, there's a limit to how much i can take

~my mental strength is prolly the best in the world. i still haven't died after so much

~perhaps ... but i know that my breaking point is reaching soon. i hope the cure is found soon

~oh well, today went out for ggg meet up

~fun day as usual. i realise that people like to twist people's words, so that they hear what they want to hear lolx.

~i like ZH new hairstyle lolx... it rocks

-DO OR DIE DAY 2 :average

~hmm, i realise that maybe i found another route down this treacherous mountain.

~albeit longer, and more time consuming, at least i get to avoid the major conflicts and battles that is laden throughout the open path.

~i just hope that it actually leads me to the foot of the mountain than a suicidal and sad end.

-DO OR DIE DAY 1 : average , body ache, headache

~this is it. i have come to a cliff in my life. before me lies empty vastness of space, spanning a thousands of miles down into the abyss.

~behind me lies throngs of evil people. the superficial, the greedy, the lustful, the sloths, etc. you get the picture...

~i have come to this intersection finally after 22 years on this planet EARTH.

~this is day 1. my only choice is to confront the evil lifeforms.i hope i win the battle, if not, the cliff will be my last view in life. my method of fighting? well... i made a pact with the devil.

~even though i know i may not live to tell the tale at the foot of the cliff, i know that at least if throughout this tribulation, i get to live the life i wanted, then maybe its worth it.

~its better to live a good and short life , then drag your sorry life out. as much as i don't believe in religion or what not, i pray, for all kinds of aids, big or small, i have to win this battle.

~this battle for my past defines me and my future.

+life 15

~take life with a pinch of salt. or sugar if you may

-wrong timing

~this is great... talk about wrong timing...

~unknowingly interfere with a couple's fight... -.-

~thx to my bit tad of interest in debating about religion, i got sucked into a battlefield...

~dam... the live ammo flying above my head is even worse than what i experience in BMT... tekong pales in comparison lolx...

~and worst of all, i think i am getting the stick now... this is very bad...

~lesson for the day: don't chup other people's stuff... make sure to check their wall first before you determine whether it is a safe zone or a warzone :X

-down to earth

~crashing down to earth...... ... .. . . ...

~will i have a future?

+lesson 1

~its v impt to be yourself. a fake personality is stressful and will not last.

~also, the world won't end if that one girl doesn't likes you. :)

+courage

~it pays to take the first step. although not always, you will still earn experience if you fail.

~i am glad i took the first step. becos i believe i don't have to conform to societal norms or views, but more importantly understand my own ideals and fulfill them.

~doing is greater than empty talk or waiting for the sky to drop

+captivation

~shimata... i can't concentrate... on almost everything... except her...

~i was slowly captivated... truly...

~but its imperil to know that the greater the expectations the greater the fall...