-DO OR DIE DAY 10 : average

~i didn't have a choice. if i had to choose between knowing you but being shallow VS not knowing you and don't do a shit, then i would choose the former. at least i get to know you

~in life, jeff says that just give up and look for someone else. yes, the world is huge, but that feels to me like you just go around and try your luck. you take what you can and lead a happy go lucky half past 6 life.

~i just feel that sometimes, we have to fight for what we really want. nobody said it was easy blah blah blah. we all know life ain't easy, but how many really know how to fight for it.

~its a pity that i took 10 years. if i had known you earlier, thru proper means, or fate, then perhaps i wouldn't need to do crappy things and scare the crap outta you.

~i feel sad that you chose to erect a cold wall between us. i guess it just wasn't fate.

~i always wonder why i make all the wrong choices in life. maybe i really need to build a dam time machine. too many regrets are turning my life topsy turvy.

~life is about moving ahead. but i keep getting impeded. do i really have to take what comes and let what goes goes? i hate that ideology. but i guess life is really random. thats why when you really get together with the one person you really like, you will learn to treasure it with your life.

~sounds like fairytales... i still prefer the virtual world to reality. reality is filled with too much of crap. i just don't feel like i am alive in the real world. i can't find my existence.

~maybe jeff is right. i should let go, after all, i don't think i am ready. i am still unstable. she prolly found someone already. i wish her all the best in life. i feel pity. every sentence in my mind starts with a why. why did it end up like this.

~i can only draw from this experience and perhaps understand the future better. maybe i am just cursed. if only if only if only... crap...

~i feel like i am losing everything in this world. my world...

~it just keeps crashing down... my world... i have climbed thru the rumble for god knows how many times already...

~anyway, i am powerless... at the moment... i lament this fact... i can't do no shit...

~i have been powerless since 12... i hated this feeling... but it became so common after a decade... i wonder how long it would last...

~when will i be freed from my shackles... i don't want to experience another downfall... another calamity in my world... it just keeps rocking... i haven't gone mad, that is a blessing.

~i always say take life with a pinch of salt. but i find it hard to do what i preach. i just don't feel like giving up. but idon't have the weapons to fight this war.... why... is it because i don't believe in religion? or am i punished for my sins in my previous incarnation... pretty farfetched... but who knows... its still on the border of fact and fiction.

~i think i undersatnd better why people commit suicide. becos between draggin out your sorry ass life VS living the life you want, i think its suffice to say that sometimes, life ain't worth living.

~i don't know... i get this feeling now that i realise my world has collaspe. matters of the heart are so easy to make or break a weak person. btw the weather is freaking hot :X

~i think i will take a week to get over this. maybe 2 weeks. i don't know. luckily its recess week now. or else i won't be able to concentrate in sch. ha... i am pathetic. letting such things affect me. but at least taht shows i am human?i don't know. excuses.

~life is a torture atm. i can't end it, cos i have responsibilities to my love ones, i can't endure thru it too, becos its too heartbreaking. i think i should just become a monk. screen myself from the affairs of the world. i failed to take life with a pinch of salt.

~and she felt scared about my approach... i didn't know i was so imposing and scary. now i am being mistaken for a psychopath... oh great... life just loves to make fun out of people. the logic is simple as i mentioned before. passive or active. i chose the active choice, now i am a psycopath. if i chose passive, then nothing would have happened. well i guess being mistakened for a stalker is better than nothing. lolx... thats dumb...

~but i feel pity ... did i mention pity yet? yea i think i did... wadeva... now that she has found someone close, i think its time to let go... jeff... should i really follow your advice and let go? .. i don't know... i don't want to give up ... but theres to track for me to run as much as i want to... this seems the end... i am too late... this is fate..... wadeva... blah blah blah... i .............. i.... don't know what to do........ seriosuly........... why am i so pathetic at 22..........

~maybe i will understand better at 30....... i think i would look back at myself today and regret again........ crap........... what a waste of time........ .........

~i shld go do something else......... .....................................

~i wish you all the best PL. iam saddened that this is prolly goodbye. and i wish that my life will turn for the better...