-DD103 the coming storm

~sch is coming.

~i will make good my promise. i will make sure i do well this time. i will make sure i enjoy learning and sching. while the chance last.

-DD98reloaded

~bo bian have to restart the VA.... sucks...

-DD97

~holy crap.... what a monstrous cap i got........ screwed...

~this is crap.... looks like from now on i must study like a mad man...

-DD96

~first signs of calamity.

-DD89btr

~btr... stillii

~i become more and more disillusioned with life.

~how can people eatshitsleep when they know not of the origin of their birth, the meaning of their existence and the aim of their lives.

~what created the world? what is our higher goal in life? are we test subjects? like mice in labs, aliens overlooking us?

~or are we actually a 'human' experiment conducted by the REAL humans out there who are so much more advance than we can ever imagine.

~maybe we are clones in the artificial world they create.. maybe the matrix...

~i wonder why people don't really bother about all these questions...

~only a select few does... and they are seen as Anormal... wtf...

~the world is becoming a mad world alright... its too imperfect.... i need to...

-DD80~ end

~so tired... physically and mentally

~exams end.. next thing to end is my life... or rather my cap..

~oh well, anyway i feel further and further away from "life". . . .

~dogma, stigma, perceived norms, expectations, the right protocol to do stuff...

~why mnust life follow such a rigid format.... are wealth looks and power the almighty to-get stuff in life?

~why.. why must it be defined like this? ... it gives those that lacks thereof terms the unfair start to life.... ... the competition arena is not levelled... not a bit..

~is this the randomness of life that is ironically so appealing? ... i wonder..

~i look forward to the matrix. the animus, or wadeva that can take me away from reality.. at the moment? it seems like the computer is the next best tool for this.

~how ironic and lamentful that it is such that robbed me of my life.

-DD79:avg

~i was jolted today when i read a phrase online... it dawned on me that i forgot to live... live life.\\


japanese was easy peasy imo... .if every exam was this easy, i would easily get cap 5.0 ... .. . . . . .too bad i sealed my own fate when i majored physics ... wtf...

-DD76: average stop M

~i feel so freaking tired... i finally finished studying QM... or i guess i didn't have time to really finish but i guess i at least know a bit now...

~its not studying i would say... but forcing myself to remember a particular rhythm of answers to the questions...

~i really have to go hear the Indian tech unis awesome lecturer's lecture to really understand wts is qm all about...

~it will be done in the hols... i guess... i will not admit defeat to QM. ... .

-DD75: average

~having fast hb as of late i wonder why... issit becos of sss? ....

~anyway i feel so dead for the upcoming QM exam

-DD66:average

~ahahahahhahahah 9/60 for qm test... first time in my life get single digit for test/exams...

~it would just make me wanna ace every exam from now on... i ma kick some ass ... i am ace like a mad man... i ma study like siaoz....

~i will come back stronger, ACE IT LIKE A ...... can't think of a similie.

-DD64:average

~god... why did you give me a superb brain but rob me of the outlet to express.

~how am i suppose to go about with my life? is this what is destined?

~or are you summoning me back to you...

-DD63:average

~physics is about predicting the world and past present future with a model. its bascially estimation.

~but i realise i can't estimate my own's worth even when estimation is my major. sad

~i don't even know what is true what is false, what is the amount and extent in the eyes of the wary.

~its such a tortureous feeling that makes me feel like the end of world is neigh.

-DD61:average, less R due to no A? or no Cphl too

~i am so dam scared of QM exam... i really know nuts about it... OH MY GOD...

~never in my life have i not known a subject so much that i don't even know how to start studying for it........... ><

~I FEEL SO DEAD>.. yay...

~helplessly waiting for the day where the executioner's sword crashes down on my puny LIFE

-DD60:average

~oh man... exams are coming... exams are coming... exams are COMINGGGG....

-DD56:average

~presentation was pretty ok i guess.. although i could sense that people tot i was a little crazy. maybe overzealous.

~seems like my sense of humour failed to rub off them, only saw a few grins. maybe not everyone understands what i am trying to say.

~On hindsight, ishould have slowed down more, but i was rushing for time as i tot no time.

~anyway, my mom almost collapse again today.

~its a hard reality check smacked in my face. time to grow up, time to learn the ropes of life. mommy ain't that for ever.

-DD55:Average

~i always thought we had to conduct ourselves according to the norms and integrate ourselves into society.

~i was wrong, i realise that now, i just need to be myself. screw everyone else who thinks otherwise.

~but thats not to say i can do illegal stuff and what not. there is a line. that should not be crossed.

-DD54average

~just like that 2 months has neared. its getting better i hope.

~i really could do with some hp pots.

~anyway, i have a presentation on tuesday for cartography. its time to enjoy myself. ijust hope the Q&A don't so chim, cos i know nuts about this mod.

~oh man, my other physics mod get C. this is fking bullshit. i am feeling the heat now. one mod hand in empty script, other mod get C. OMFG>.. i need to start to study like a mad man now.

-DD53: average

~i actually forgot to blog ytd... shows that i am becoming more ignorant to my problems. or maybe i just didn't give a dam anymore.

~i hope i am being more happy than otherwise. becos in life its about being happy. at least imo that is the definition to life.

~i think the show <愛> really is not bad. even i get hooked. for someone who hates dramas so much. actually just no time to watch lolx

~coupled with ownage songs like rene liu's wei ai chi wang... its awesome. i realise that this song is prolly mediacorp add in themselves one? not listed in the show's insert songs.

~oh well, off to sleep . its late, and i need my sleep. if not i will die. literally

- DD 51 : average ( but R)

~hahaah... first time in my life i actually know i fail my test already before the results come out. ok maybe not "know", it should be confirmed.

~Quantum mechanics will be the bane of my life. i know this from this very moment of time. i actually did less than half the passing marks worth of questions lolx!...

~its upon 60. i did only like 25 marks worth. and i didn't know everyone of the 25 marks. and so, 5 questions in the paper, i do 2 only. 3 blank. holyshit... its awesome .. this feeling...

~it makes me wanna go mug like mad now, and make sure i kick the shit out of the end term paper. its payback time. i guess its called riding the wave of veageance..

~but first.... i need some sleep. zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

- DD 50 : average ( GONATF)

~ i need sleepp.... lots of it... fking need sleep but can't fking sleep...

~ i gonna flunk tml's test QM SO BAD that i think i will finish the paper in 5 mins.

~i don't even know what to put in my cheat sheet. wtf... i am so screwed... this is GG alright.

- DD 49 average ( D4:1ACV, M, FJ, C)

~ got R today. too much SS? not enough S?

- DD 48 : average (start D0.5ACV / SS)

~ seems better after lots of F....

~the D0.5ACV torched my ass bad... maybe need more D.

~ QM TEST = GG

~seriously, imo, QM IS FULL OF SHIT

-DD47: average

~i don't know. seems like nothings changed.

~F are the way to go i guess..

~i think i am quite dead for my QM TEST.. oh man... i don't even know where to start studying hahahahaa screweed

-DD46: average

~i don't know. seems like nothings changed.

~F are the way to go i guess..

- DD45 : average ( GONAT, but A and prolly mg/ sb&org)

~seems like i am on the right track. it is the god dam S that is killing me. AF IS THE after effect... crap .. A is just a symptom of it... wtf...

~start SPin too

~and i have a freaking QM test coming up... this is awesome... i am quite sure i am dead... so deadddddddddd

~i really have to go MONGOLIA...... so free and easyyyyyyyyyyy

- DD44: average

~hmm... nothing much to say lolx...

~still trying to combat AF

- DD 43: average stop AV, start fighting AF

~well, today's jap test was awesome. not really very hard, but no time thats the problem. still ok imo, will prolly sound like a jackass in front of people who found it hard

~anyway, i realise that maybe i have A.F. dots... it fits so nicely into the picture...

~gonna start on GB, MH, lots of VC lolx...

- DD 42: average START more CT

~alright, short form ftw. too lazy to type too much shit

~anyway, my main com died this morning while watching SC2 shoutcast on youtube... wtf... sucks...

~i hope my 2nd com don't crash also. if not gg lioaoz... and it seems to be crashing shit...

~anyway tml jap test. i find it a breeze though. it ain't hard after surviving physics tortures.

- DO OR DIE DAY 41 : average (let AV on)

~ still bad imo.

~anyway, i realise that there are also people who are dejected at life. shares similar traits as me. questions life etc.

~if i could, i wouldn't wanna waste time on such crappy stuff... but i guess life is not so smooth sailing for everyone.

~i wish the world ends in 2012, so that i don't have to suffer anymore. but also, so that my family doesn't have to worry about me anymore.

~ negativity is often avoided in life, people don't wanna get into contact with anything bad. its just human nature i guess.. it makes the unfortunate feel kinda helpless in this wretched world.

~of cos there are hearts of gold out there, but so few... so few true ones.. also...

- DO OR DIE DAY 40 : average

~ seems to be getting less R due to AV? i dunno... weird... but AV + BB seems to be bad. not sure too

~ anyway, today's physics test was awesome... although i didn't laugh at the paper like the lecturer said weshould, i still think its manageable.

~but the bad thing is , i think i screw up my concepts... so prolly get whole questions wrong... thats akin to handing in white paper :X

~anyway, japanese is getting more and more hard. now i listen alone in lecture also not enough. must go home revise then can remember.. haix...

~ i realise that maybe everyone's brain power is different. i found japanese easy but my freind found it hard.. maybe everyone really operates differently. she puts in 3-5 hrs of work each day and i do nothing except when test comes, then i panick and mug like mad.

~oh well.. everyone works differently. i hope to get A For jap. but hte problem is everyone is just as gay in this mod, so the bell curve wil be demanding. haix...

~sch is stress, work nextg time also stress.. life is stress?

~maybe we are all bornt in this vicious cycle. but who is to determine the way society works? perhaps we all are lab mice in an experiment called life, and put away in a place call world.

~there are definitely aliens out there, superior beings that prolly are controlling our species' survival.

~i believe the world ends in 2012... the weather is testimony to armageadon.

- DO OR DIE DAY 39 : average

~ like less R. but got 2 btm base kanna attacked. haven't explode yet. tahts good. reinforcements don't know what to send... sianz...

~ it seems that when people thinks you are humourous, no matter what you say, they tend to laugh... it sfunny imo...

~cos sometimes i ain't trying to be funny but people still laugh... i guess thats what expectations are...

~and when you get such expetatinos on you, it weighs you down... hard... its stressful.

- DO OR DIE DAY 38 : average ( USE AV)

~ had new enemies coming out at the bottom bases. but don't know what to reinforce to defeat em. luckily they didn't explode like martyrs, or maybe its just a matter of time before they do.

~ the other sites seem pretty wrecked. i don't know why but they are still P. 3 OMGs today and it seems to help? i don't know, maybe its just an illusion.

~anyway, test on tuesday... i think i am dead... know shit about it... the only consolation is that my prof says that we will laugh at the paper when we see it... he meant that it was easy... i think i will laugh becos i am dead.

- DO OR DIE DAY 37: below average

~hmm... seems like not doing anything is wrong too... i wonder why...

~anyway i sealed my death warrant when i bought WE 2011... awesome but its gonna kill me... my test all heck care liaoz lolx

- DO OR DIE DAY 36 : average

~hmm... got WE 2011 today!!!! WHOOOOOOOOO lets hope it doesn't disappoint

~TEST TES TEST COMING UP AGAIN ... CM TEST ON TUESDAY >< omg... at least CM IS STILL HUMAN LANGUAGE

~ QUANTUM MECH IS FKING MARSIAN alright... .. . .. .

~i can learn jap as foreign language, but i can't learn freaking alien marsian language !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

- DO OR DIE DAY 35 : average

~omg... seems like i did something wrong ytd.... G? A? C? stop AB?

~man... this sucks...

~anyway, my bro found a job finally. makes me realise that i should enjoy studying now. if not, once working starts, studying will be actually a good life... ..

- DO OR DIE DAY 34 : better STOP AB

~ my central inner base just totally died today... wtf... went down... made stupid noises... so ps... . .. . sianz..

~anyway, its going to be mugging and mugging and mugging again... omg.... test test test estet wtffffffffffffffffffffff

- DO OR DIE DAY 33 : better

~ ha... so the aim of meeting more people is so to realise that people around you are filled with fkers lolx...

~ anyway, went for marsian class today... next week got torture test... haix...

~ anyway, stopping stim packs tomorrow. think its killing me. but VA still cont though.

- DO OR DIE DAY 32 : better

~read my friend's fb today. her take on life is really LIVE LAUGH LOVE. simple yet fulfilling. i guess that's a good perception of life. after all, its short, why be sad.

~ used C.C.B ytd night and today, seems to be helping? i dun noe.

~at least the enemies are taking a step back and thinking twice.

~although there seem to be an archilles style enemy at the central base, i hope nothing will be damage.

~anyway, i think son ye jin is the most beautiful women so far i have seen, in my life, realistically, not personifically.

~this pic below is imo, most perfectly epitomises beauty in my eyes that is. perfect would be an understatement.

- DO OR DIE DAY 31 : average

~seems like the wreckage at the central base is subsiding. workers are repairing it.

~oh well, my middle base had a gas/chemical attack ytd. i hope its not VA doing the damage.

- DO OR DIE DAY 29 : average

~ my goodness... my center base got destroyed by mortars and DR evil.

~lets hope the medivacs can patch me up , or i have to use stim packs to let it heal faster.

- DO OR DIE DAY 28 : average

~check point!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! saving time.

~hope will save, or else screwtoooooooooooo

- DO OR DIE DAY 27 : average

~march on march on marchhhhhhh onnnnnnnnn

~so much things to study... i gonna fail this sem :(

- DO OR DIE DAY 26 : average

~ wow i wanna go Mongolia... awesome place... stressfree

~blue skies green grasslands awesome.......

~but i better bring a labtop there... watch chao ji xing guang da dao... or else might die of boredom...

- DO OR DIE DAY 25: average

~hmm... recovering well from my wounds. seems like not doing anything is the key. my own aura will heal hp for myself lolx.

- DO OR DIE DAY 24 : bad

~i entered the main route again oh well... this sucks ... hard

~anyway, i am so going to fail this sem... can't study... no mood to study at all... wtf...

- DO OR DIE DAY 23 : average

~seems calm in the morning before i entered the warzone

- DO OR DIE DAY 22 : bad

~i stopped the main route today.

~i used a sort of firesale technique. i hope it works

- DO OR DIE DAY 21: average

~things are getting better... i think

~you were right, life is short, world is big, why waste time on fk up people.

~but its sad, cos people i tot were good turns out to be fk up people.

- DO OR DIE DAY 20: bad

~i picked up a shield today... so that i can deflect the laser beams...

~still kinda injured

~i realise i need like 12 hrs of sleep

~people say as you get older, you need less sleep, how come i need more?

~becos i am injured? or i am injuring myself continuously lolx

- DO OR DIE DAY 19 : very bad

~why is life so hard...

~must we really suffer first before we learn to appreciate the good in life?

~but how long more must i suffer...

~i already know whats good whats bad...

- DO OR DIE DAY 18 : bad

~ seems like my injuries are healing oh well... lets hope i don't get stabbed again lolx

~btw, today was the 2nd time i found a girl's stuff left behind after class... dam!

~i wonder if this is the norm... maybe my speciality is LOST AND FOUND ... dots...

~worse of all i got on the bus heading home and she msg me... -.- had to return to sch again becos i sensed her need for the laptop....lolx....

~anyway jam hsiao's version of 我怀念的 is dam nice and touching. i think his version is better than stephanie sun's one! lolx...

~萧敬腾 - 我怀念的

作词:姚若龙 作曲:李思菘

紫.sè制作 QQ:253057646

我问为什么 那个人 传简讯给我
而你为什么 不解释 低着头沉默
我该相信你很爱我 不愿意敷衍我
还是明白你已不想挽回什么

想问为什么 我不再是你的快乐
可是为什么 却苦笑说我都懂了
自尊常常将人拖着 把爱都走曲折
假装了解是怕真相太赤裸裸
狼狈比失去难受

我怀念的是无话不说
我怀念的是一起做梦
我怀念的是争吵以后
还是想要爱你的冲动
我记得那年生日
也记得那一首歌
记得那片星空 最紧的右手
最暖的胸口 谁记得
谁忘了

想问为什么 我不再是你的快乐
可是为什么 却苦笑说我都懂了
自尊常常将人拖着 把爱都走曲折
假装了解是怕真相太赤裸裸
狼狈比失去难受

我怀念的是无话不说
我怀念的是一起做梦
我怀念的是争吵以后
还是想要爱你的冲动
我记得那年生日
也记得那一首歌
记得那片星空 最紧的右手
最暖的胸口 谁忘了

我怀念的是无言感动
我怀念的是绝对炽热
我怀念的是你很激动
求我原谅抱得我都痛
我记得你在背后
我记得我颤抖着
记得感觉汹涌 最美的烟火
最长的相拥 谁爱得太自由
谁过头太远了 谁要走我的心
谁忘了那就是承诺
谁自顾自地走 谁忘了看着我
谁让爱变执着
谁忘了要给你温柔

我怀念的~
我还有想要爱你的冲动
我记得那年的生日
也记得那一首歌
记得那片星空
最紧的右手 最暖的胸口
我放手 我让座 假洒脱
谁懂我多么不舍得
太爱了 所以呢 没有哭 没有说

- DO OR DIE DAY 17 : bad

~seems like the 1st wave assault has died down...

~but i still have all the injuries suffered... now i need a medivac....

~i wonder whether the stim packs i am taking will kill me ultimately lolx...

-DO OR DIE DAY 16: bad

~wah seh.... i am getting wacked so badly by those thugs.... 50% dead

~funny, i once asked someone whats his hobby. he said doing nothing...

~i tot it was weird. but now i realise i also don't feel like doing anything... lazy?

~it seems more like i just want to end this life.

- DO OR DIE DAY 14 : bad

~OWWWWWWWWWWWWW........ so many war zones everywhere.... ambushes lying in wait in the main route... wah seh... they all charging at me now.... i feel so defenseless lolx

-DO OR DIE DAY 13: bad

~hahaha... i found a 3rd route down the dam mountain today...

~hmm... looks like now i have to change again... i don't know what to do now lolx

~maybe i should just continue down that main route with so many enemies or i should go this 3rd route... filled with plants ...

~lolx.. this is tough... oh well

-DO OR DIE DAY 12: average

~funny.. people live life everyday. i fight with life everyday. why am i subjected to this shit.

~is it really to make me a better man at the end of the day? lolx... that would suck man...

~i don't know... i think i have been honed to a sage already... its time to let me be free ! almighty! if you exist!

-DO OR DIE DAY 11: bad

~ chao ji xing guang da dao 7's judge team pk format is awesome la... lolx... so dam exciting.

~i used EPO today anyway, wonder if i works. but seems to be getting worse. the route down hill is harder and harder

-DO OR DIE DAY 10 : average

~i didn't have a choice. if i had to choose between knowing you but being shallow VS not knowing you and don't do a shit, then i would choose the former. at least i get to know you

~in life, jeff says that just give up and look for someone else. yes, the world is huge, but that feels to me like you just go around and try your luck. you take what you can and lead a happy go lucky half past 6 life.

~i just feel that sometimes, we have to fight for what we really want. nobody said it was easy blah blah blah. we all know life ain't easy, but how many really know how to fight for it.

~its a pity that i took 10 years. if i had known you earlier, thru proper means, or fate, then perhaps i wouldn't need to do crappy things and scare the crap outta you.

~i feel sad that you chose to erect a cold wall between us. i guess it just wasn't fate.

~i always wonder why i make all the wrong choices in life. maybe i really need to build a dam time machine. too many regrets are turning my life topsy turvy.

~life is about moving ahead. but i keep getting impeded. do i really have to take what comes and let what goes goes? i hate that ideology. but i guess life is really random. thats why when you really get together with the one person you really like, you will learn to treasure it with your life.

~sounds like fairytales... i still prefer the virtual world to reality. reality is filled with too much of crap. i just don't feel like i am alive in the real world. i can't find my existence.

~maybe jeff is right. i should let go, after all, i don't think i am ready. i am still unstable. she prolly found someone already. i wish her all the best in life. i feel pity. every sentence in my mind starts with a why. why did it end up like this.

~i can only draw from this experience and perhaps understand the future better. maybe i am just cursed. if only if only if only... crap...

~i feel like i am losing everything in this world. my world...

~it just keeps crashing down... my world... i have climbed thru the rumble for god knows how many times already...

~anyway, i am powerless... at the moment... i lament this fact... i can't do no shit...

~i have been powerless since 12... i hated this feeling... but it became so common after a decade... i wonder how long it would last...

~when will i be freed from my shackles... i don't want to experience another downfall... another calamity in my world... it just keeps rocking... i haven't gone mad, that is a blessing.

~i always say take life with a pinch of salt. but i find it hard to do what i preach. i just don't feel like giving up. but idon't have the weapons to fight this war.... why... is it because i don't believe in religion? or am i punished for my sins in my previous incarnation... pretty farfetched... but who knows... its still on the border of fact and fiction.

~i think i undersatnd better why people commit suicide. becos between draggin out your sorry ass life VS living the life you want, i think its suffice to say that sometimes, life ain't worth living.

~i don't know... i get this feeling now that i realise my world has collaspe. matters of the heart are so easy to make or break a weak person. btw the weather is freaking hot :X

~i think i will take a week to get over this. maybe 2 weeks. i don't know. luckily its recess week now. or else i won't be able to concentrate in sch. ha... i am pathetic. letting such things affect me. but at least taht shows i am human?i don't know. excuses.

~life is a torture atm. i can't end it, cos i have responsibilities to my love ones, i can't endure thru it too, becos its too heartbreaking. i think i should just become a monk. screen myself from the affairs of the world. i failed to take life with a pinch of salt.

~and she felt scared about my approach... i didn't know i was so imposing and scary. now i am being mistaken for a psychopath... oh great... life just loves to make fun out of people. the logic is simple as i mentioned before. passive or active. i chose the active choice, now i am a psycopath. if i chose passive, then nothing would have happened. well i guess being mistakened for a stalker is better than nothing. lolx... thats dumb...

~but i feel pity ... did i mention pity yet? yea i think i did... wadeva... now that she has found someone close, i think its time to let go... jeff... should i really follow your advice and let go? .. i don't know... i don't want to give up ... but theres to track for me to run as much as i want to... this seems the end... i am too late... this is fate..... wadeva... blah blah blah... i .............. i.... don't know what to do........ seriosuly........... why am i so pathetic at 22..........

~maybe i will understand better at 30....... i think i would look back at myself today and regret again........ crap........... what a waste of time........ .........

~i shld go do something else......... .....................................

~i wish you all the best PL. iam saddened that this is prolly goodbye. and i wish that my life will turn for the better...

-DO OR DIE DAY 9: bad

~hmm... bad crap shit...

~why do i always meet crap on my journey.. nothing ever last... lolx... maybe only diamonds are forever crapp...

~ i realise that FO is not that good after all.. hmm...

~also i saw a post on FB that slam dunk is based on a real person's life ... sakuragi hamamichi or something

~wow... that is inspirational... too bad that dude dies in real life at age 18 while visiting his sick dad... the manga had it the other way round though, his dad died.

~i guess real life is always not as ideal as the imaginary ones... thats why i am so attracted to the virtual world, where it is more "perfect"...

~but then again, maybe its time to experience this flawed real world, becos after all, we live in this world that is not perfect.

-DO OR DIE DAY 8 : average

~seems like its a bad idea to have reinforcements... now everything is in a mess... don't know what is bad and what is good for my progress... crap

-DO OR DIE DAY 7 : bad, stop FO

~atama wo itai desu yo.... totemo itai na... -.-

~shinu to omoimasu... watashi wa..

~i gained the ability to predict the future today

~beecos i know tml i will fail the physics test.. -.- sucks

~first time in my life haven't take test i know i confirm fail liaoz... ..

~last time even i never study i also know may pass, lolx...

~but this one i know i study also will fail ... crap

~looks like i don't have to sleep today... GG...

+(back to main route)DO OR DIE DAY 7 : average

~seems more messy the side path... haix... it always doesn't work

~looks like i have to go back to the same old main route... lets hope i can still go down that route..

~hopefully resistant is not so much now

+DO OR DIE DAY 6 : average

~seems that this path is safer and easier... i hope it last...

~i don't know if the aftereffects of the 1st path hindered anything in my 2nd path now.. -.- if it did, that would suck

~i realise that the world is filled with all kinds of people... funny... some people are really nice, some are nice for a motive, some are not nice for a motive, some are plain asshholes lolx...

~i think i am a plain asshole :X .. .. lets hope i can be a better person

- (ALTERNATE ROUTE) DO OR DIE DAY 5 : ok? burning, sick, stomach flu

~omg... may day may day... going down...

~i just felt sick all over

~man... this is one hell of a battle... -.-

~i decided to take the alternate route down the mountain.

~the main path holds too much danger... 1/6th journey down the mountain and i am half dead already ...

~somehow , i wonder if i will remember all these lingo 10 years down the road lolx

~oh well... its been so long since i really smiled. i wonder how long more do i have to wait till i can be myself again

~i decided to call myself a funny and stupid name cloud chan in jap lolx

きょうから、わたしのあたらしいのなまえはくもチャンですよ！

-DO OR DIE DAY 4 : average , dry lips , slight depression?

~i realise that my life is filled with regrets. ok i realised that a long time ago.

~these regrets just keep piling up... like crappy homework.

~i guess the real reason i wanted to study physics was to build a time machine. i wanted to go back to the past so badly, make things right, change my life.

~now , i bare the many scars of my past. its sad to live out a pseudo life and not the life i really wanted.

~but then again, how many people have the luxury of living the life they want? perhaps a few? but i do know many struggle and fight for their ideal lives.

~does this define us as human ? i wonder... perhaps its time i stop this crappy talks and get down to business.. but alas, i am still tightly bounded... ... i wonder when i will be free..

~people get to dream... but my dreams are almost always about regrets... i so badly need to be back to my day 1 at sec sch... it still seems so vivid.. as though it was ytd... at the poarch.... with all the little kids.. around... i was looking forward to life, i was normal to say the least...

~now... i am but a pale shadow of my former self... is this all fate? is there really no fight or challenge to what is destined for me? i don't know... sometimes i wonder how long more i can hold on... or is ending everything the easy way out, or rather the coward and irresponsible way...

~i am indebted to many around me, and that makes me even harder to make a choice. its not as clear as 1+1. thats why i always say, if you are smack in the middle, you are having the worst time. you don't know to despair for life or rejoice for life. its a see saw battle. test of endurance and determination. i know i have plenty of those, because i may still alive after going thru so much shit.

~i just wonder when my destiny will change. when i will stop being given the short end of the stick. when i can live my life out as a normal person. maybe next life? if there is a next life.

~i dread the nights when i wake up in the middle of my sleep, becos i know i won't be able to sleep anymore, for that night i mean. its hard. once the regrets flow in , they just seem to be never ending.

~i don't know why i am so negative. perhaps i meet to many positive peeps in my life. maybe i should go see the unfortunate. then i may feel better. but .. i don't know... consolation is the last thing i am looking for. i think what i really need are practical results. things that are tangible. not feelings or emotions. i neeed results.

~i applaud the courage of those who live thru their lives as though it is the end the next day, even with their conditions. i don't know, it makes me kinda feel like i am capable of such too. i think i just haven't straighten out my thoughts.

~its hard i guess.. 10 years of shit afflicted on me, since 12. i wonder what i did to deserve such punishment. my facebook's status had this quote that says "what is the worst form of torture", to which i gave a not really true answer, physics. ok, physics is hard, but the torture, well, is not even at the same scale as what i am suffering now. so the true answer to that question? well, the fking afflictling fk that is fking my life upside down.

~people tend to have a brave front, and i think mine is prolly one of the most undying ones. it keeps crumbling , but i kept rebuilding it, with sweat and blood. i don't know how much more before my body crumbles. but i am very thankful to my family for understanding and helping my life out.

~too bad, people don't understand what i am going thru. they and their potty mouths, immature brains, unevolved thought process are appauling. i think i matured too much, to the point that i question the ways of the world. is it good? is it bad? i don't know. i don't have time to write another gp essay. btw, screw gp :)

~i slept at around 10.30pm today, woke at 2am. around 4 hrs of sleep, and 6 hours of waiting through the silent night, for the dawn to break. it hurts to see the morning rays physically and mentality. it seems so fiercly emitted that it threatens to pierce my fragile skin.

~anyways, i think this is one of my longest post to date. is it an accomplishment? i think it means my life is going downhill. i don't know. is it good to reflect so much? i guess so... but it also means that i m emoing too much. is it bad to emo then? maybe not, makes you a better person and understand life better, you start to have a feel that the world is not rosy.

~if i could, i would fight for my life
~if i could, i would turn back the clock
~if i could, i would be a better son
~if i could, i would not emo
~if i could, i would live my life as though it is the last day
~if i could, i would treasure everything around me good or bad
~if i could, i would strive for excellence, academically and socially
~if i could, i would not be addicted to gaming which practically destroyed me
~if i could, i would make sure my health does not deteriorate
~if i could, i would go out and see the world with my own eyes, feel it with my feet and touch it with my hands
~if i could, i would not make the mistake of being a fk tard
~if i could, i would be more expressive and courageous
~if i could, i would not cause hurt to anybody for any reason
~if i could, i would and i must.

~its 4am now. i hope i can sleep

- DO OR DIE DAY 3: bad

~i wonder how long more do i have to be put through these trials...

~it seems that it will make me a better person, but somehow, there's a limit to how much i can take

~my mental strength is prolly the best in the world. i still haven't died after so much

~perhaps ... but i know that my breaking point is reaching soon. i hope the cure is found soon

~oh well, today went out for ggg meet up

~fun day as usual. i realise that people like to twist people's words, so that they hear what they want to hear lolx.

~i like ZH new hairstyle lolx... it rocks

-DO OR DIE DAY 2 :average

~hmm, i realise that maybe i found another route down this treacherous mountain.

~albeit longer, and more time consuming, at least i get to avoid the major conflicts and battles that is laden throughout the open path.

~i just hope that it actually leads me to the foot of the mountain than a suicidal and sad end.

-DO OR DIE DAY 1 : average , body ache, headache

~this is it. i have come to a cliff in my life. before me lies empty vastness of space, spanning a thousands of miles down into the abyss.

~behind me lies throngs of evil people. the superficial, the greedy, the lustful, the sloths, etc. you get the picture...

~i have come to this intersection finally after 22 years on this planet EARTH.

~this is day 1. my only choice is to confront the evil lifeforms.i hope i win the battle, if not, the cliff will be my last view in life. my method of fighting? well... i made a pact with the devil.

~even though i know i may not live to tell the tale at the foot of the cliff, i know that at least if throughout this tribulation, i get to live the life i wanted, then maybe its worth it.

~its better to live a good and short life , then drag your sorry life out. as much as i don't believe in religion or what not, i pray, for all kinds of aids, big or small, i have to win this battle.

~this battle for my past defines me and my future.

+life 15

~take life with a pinch of salt. or sugar if you may

-wrong timing

~this is great... talk about wrong timing...

~unknowingly interfere with a couple's fight... -.-

~thx to my bit tad of interest in debating about religion, i got sucked into a battlefield...

~dam... the live ammo flying above my head is even worse than what i experience in BMT... tekong pales in comparison lolx...

~and worst of all, i think i am getting the stick now... this is very bad...

~lesson for the day: don't chup other people's stuff... make sure to check their wall first before you determine whether it is a safe zone or a warzone :X

-down to earth

~crashing down to earth...... ... .. . . ...

~will i have a future?

+lesson 1

~its v impt to be yourself. a fake personality is stressful and will not last.

~also, the world won't end if that one girl doesn't likes you. :)

+courage

~it pays to take the first step. although not always, you will still earn experience if you fail.

~i am glad i took the first step. becos i believe i don't have to conform to societal norms or views, but more importantly understand my own ideals and fulfill them.

~doing is greater than empty talk or waiting for the sky to drop

+captivation

~shimata... i can't concentrate... on almost everything... except her...

~i was slowly captivated... truly...

~but its imperil to know that the greater the expectations the greater the fall...

+REDEMPTION - REJUVENATION

~よかったな。。。やはり、改悛を指摘！

～早く直す。。。本当お願いします！

～お願い。。。こちらながいな。。。ほんとうながい。。。。

-to waiver not

~i started to waiver. am i wrong all along?

~but to waiver is to throw in the tower and admit you have wasted all your time in believing in the wrong things.

~is believing in what is best for myself the wrong thing?

~must we really submit to the masses as it is to be a human is?

~is it wrong to be seened as eccentric?

~i don't know. a 22 year old mind of mine cannot unlock this hurdle

~perhaps an older me will understand life better.

-insomniac

~it ain't exactly pleasant to be an insomniac...

-- conundrum

~happiness and sadness interwovened is not a nice feeling.

-extraterrestrial

~are we alone? i dun no. really.. for studying so many years of my life in science, i still know not of one speck of the massive universe, or multiverse, there is/are.

~conspiracies just keeps getting more and more interesting. till no ends. some say we are energies, here on earth in physical bodies to experience life.

~some say we are all borned with sins and only by believing in jesus will we be saved.

~some say there are aliens all around us, and governments, the elites, the money controllers are behind all these stuff around us. they transmit frequencies through TV to control us, make us dumb etc. also, people say the masses are being controlled, from flourinated water to frequencied transmissions, thats why we are all dying around 80years. COMpared to those people who live in say, mongolia, they are easily tipping the scales of 100+ years. so... are we like pets? experimental beings? test subjects?

~people also say 911 was an inside job, destroyed by demolitions of the buildings through micro nukes. ... there were no AL-Queda or such organisations. it was a false front for the monkey controllers to wage war on oil rich muslim countries....

~zzz.. too much crap tilll i find it hard to differentiate what is real what issn't.

-abyss

~conflicts need to be sorted out. period

~letting it escalate while sitting back and praying is useless. imo.

~there's no such thing as praying for milk to feed your babies.

~some people are really fucked up. everyone around them is wrong, they are never wrong. Fuckers. wasting the diminishing oxygen around the world. thick skinned fuckers.

+FMA

~ gosh i love FMA. its awesome. simply the best. after 10 years. manga version was much better :)

~anyway, germany prolly will win world cup. too strong.

-the end is neigh

~the end is coming. i just experienced a thunderstorm that threatened to rip off my window.

~you don't get such thunderstorms in singapore. until now.

~2012? maybe... maybe even earlier. it is ending soon. something catastrophic is approaching...

+放遗憾的美丽停在这里

~.

-EXAMS

~what more to say... i have never felt as helpless as now...

~first time in my life i don't know what the maths module wants from me lolx..

~my physics electromagnetism module is just as bad....

~the other physics still ok...? maybe...

~SS = anyhow

~science of music is ok, but everyone scores like mad...so under the bell curve = GG

+pathetic

~i feel i am evil. i belong to the association of evil people.

~i dun noe... maybe i really suck? maybe thats why i am controlled. maybe thats why i am imprisoned..

+time for miracles

~beautiful song by adam lambert. also the soundtrack of the calamity flick movie 2012. nice movie, nice song

~birthday was as usual lolx... don't know... don't really feel much during just another day of another 365 in this year which happens to have a hell lot of em too..

~well.. my point is that ... its routine

~oh well.. ice cream caketo again lolx... best in my opinion

~anyway, watched 2012 today... made me realise for the 10 thousandth time that life is fragile. we should treasure what we have.

~also... looking forward is life, looking back, is but a mere memory.

~BAbyy'' its time for miracleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee . .

-CONGESTED

~congested mind... that is... study too much until don't even know tml is good friday...

~today also don't know its april fool day..

~saturday also don't know is my birthday...

~i love studying...

~really... ...

~my..

~asss

-born to try

~i realise that i wasn't borned to suffer afterall... through a friend, i found a song called born to try by delta goodrem.

~lyrics were very meaningful. the ironic part is that it has a tinge of christianity. :X... oh well.

-my emotions

~i lock em up in this place... only to be reminded by myself.

~its like FMA ultimate badie... who locks his emotions away into entities known in the series as homonculus

~i shall lock mine up in this blog. while i live a unreal self of mine out there for this world that seems pathetic

~btw, its earth hour now. happy birthday earth

+maths maths maths maths maths

~screw the mathss.... no wonder my idol michio kaku said that he hoped we didn't have to learn the maths yet... ><

~HOW TRUEEEE>.....<<<..... .omg...... its sss killing ggmeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

+第二个自己

~非常好听的歌！ 是杨丞林唱地！

~crap.. i realise typing chinese on win7 sucks... the xp version of chinese is easier... they will auto correct and pick the best choice for you too... also can use arrow keys to scroll back and edit.. in win7 you can't do no shit!

+SOM

~wtf... SOM test results out... i only got 18/25... wtf... the whole cohort average 20+...

~this is a shame.. especially when i have both music and physics background... wtf...

~i look through the answers and i realise the questions i got wrong were all stupid little questions... never read properly what the question wants etc... this is unacceptable... this is a disgrace...

~dam morale sapping... feel like crap now... so many people scored so well... this is crappy feeling... sucks

-evil

~i realise i am evil.. maybe thats why i am condemned...

+spaghetti

~spaghetti is prolly the nicest food ever... at least in my taste...

~pizzas are not bad too...

~i don't like lobsters crabs or abalone... wonder why... i have the poor man's taste buds...

~sharks fin not bad though... but the sight of people cutting off the fins and tossing the shark back to the sea puts me off...

-degrading...

~i feel as though my entire body is down... every system is failing ... only at 22 and i feel like an old man's system...

~guess health is really impt..

+stomach......

~down... down... diarrhoea... constipation... irritable bowel syndrome... wtf...

-all by myself

~beautiful song by celine dion. how apt in me too...

-外套 - 動力火車

~dam nice song. the nicest chinese song at the moment for me hehex.

~seems like i am going down hill again after i got ff13... haix

+lab report

~never felt so du lan before in life.

~fking lab reports are a killer...

~this time the fking lab report, i have no idea what i am talking about too lolx... wtf

~first time in my life i don't know what to write in the fking report.

~electron diffraction experiment pawned my ass real bad.

+ff13

~got ff13 today...

~walking down the road to doom again lolx... how ironic... but won't miss giving ff13 a go..

~so the solution is to moderate !

+みゆじく

～身湯軸(i wonder why music's hiragana is shen tang qu in chinese lolx)

~わたし わ らいふ が みゆじく が あかるむ！　(music brightens my life!) so true...

+omfg madrid out

~REAL MADRID OUT of the last 8? at the round of 16? wtf... then spent so much money to build a powerful team for fk...

~this sucks lolx... got owned by lyon.. .wtf.

-スゴイ！(*sugoi!)

～私ワタイポニニホンゴハジメテ！(i can type in japanese for the first time! wooooo!)


～ハッピダナ！(happy!)

-gosh

~i feel sick... tired... worn out... everyday... physics and uni is such a freaking drain...

~drains your life force like no others...

-you were right

~so true... i was lousy... it's as though you saw right through me when you gave me that phrase....

~i hate myself... for failing to tell you

-i ...

~i took out my sun-glasses today. it brings back memories. good and bad.

~then i saw the box that contained the sun-glasses... it wrote a simple but endearing message. i hold it deep to my heart. but only i...

~god i miss hm so much. i never knew what to say what to express .. probably because i was not myself during those times. why..... if only this ... if only that ... my life is filled with regrets... even now i am still living in those...

~life seems complicated... maybe i was fated to live a simple life.

~arhg... anyway... my stomach is down again.. .wtf... why is it always down... omfg

+灵感

~从好朋友的部落格找到灵感。就是用华文来写。

~我觉得瞒有意思的。不但能帮我进步我那五百年没碰的华文，也能给予我的部落格一种新鲜感。哈哈。。。

~还真不适应啊！比起我用英文打出来的字所花的时间，简直是天地之别。

~anyway... 今天的物理测验，简直是tikam session!

~question 1-10 = read > work out answer > choices of answers are tricky > tikam
~question 10-15 = read > work out answer > not in the choices of answers > tikam
~question 15-20 = read > don't understand at all > tikam

~haix... first time in my life i feel so pathetic at physics... i always pride myself on it....

~but i was consoled by the fact that my peers were saying things like " who want to change major ?! " and " 不要阻止我跳楼！" lolx... funny...

~but my aim in life, is not to be saved by the bell curve, but rather, to conquer and reach the top. in other words, be the best of the best. not satisfied with just failing with the average crop of cream. its always nice to be at the pinnacle. it will taste the sweetest.

-朱俐靜

~朱俐靜 of 超級偶像3 is fking awesome! love her wide ranging vocals and super explosive high pitches!

~she's pretty pretty too albeit heavy makeup. a bit of cross-eye? thats why put heavy eye makeup i guess... but still melts people anyhow.. too suiiiiii

~she sings "i surrender" so dam well! woo ... prob better than Celion dion lolx!

~anyway... recently got mass of testtsssssssssssssssssssss influx of that massessss of tessttstststs

~think i am screwed for pc 1143... don't understand no shit.

+kleine-levin syndrome

~crap... maybe i have this... shit... the sleeping disorder crap

~maybe thats why i feel so dam tired everyday...

-+ \

~i put my love down... for the last time..

--hate

~i hate ... my .....self

-bachiatari chisio

~cursed blood course through my veins...

~na n de...

-shizundakokoro

~DEPURESSHON.... it's endless..

~do'shite.... ... naze.... watashi...

-aoi, ano sora

~towards that blue sky!

~shimata na... >< ... maths lecture muzukashiiiiiiiiiiI!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! watashi wa shinu!

-SHIMATA

~CRAP shit-o .... i left it late for the bidding of CORS and i screw up big time sia...

~i was bidding for gek 1532 and ssa 2204, when i decided to cancel bid for gek1532. so i try and add the other 1 point module gem2501 but cannot add!!! fk the clock was at 4.58pm. bidding close at 5pm. then i stress and fumble liaoz.. then my bro say must drop it at module management page. OH MY GOD....

~then chiong there drop then go add gem2501. then cannot fking add.... WHY WHY WHY???!?!?!? wtf

~retry retry retry, then i realise they got this fking red words that were quite feint on the top saying CLASHES WITH MATHS LECTURE!!!! WTF... i didn't give a fk cos i don't go for maths lecture OMFG.... DIeeee... time 4.59pm

~chiong back to bidding management and try and add back the Fking gek 1532 bid points but TOO LATE >....

~fk...


~the world came collasping down.... onto... no... crap nevermind... thats bullshit

~luckily i changed my ssa2204 to 500 bid points... i confirm get it... unless some psychos make it cut at above 500 which i dont' think it will...

~so maybbe its a blessing in disguise i guess...

~now i don't know what module left for me to take liaoz... shit... must wait till tml 9am for judgement day...

~probably take a crappy mod which i don't like and S/U it

+the turning point

~lets hope this will be the last turning point in my life... had enough of them..

~let it be good... let it be gracious... let it be wonderous... thank you... my

~anyway, some people are so innocent... its a blessing i guess...

~not everyone can be pure and innocent... naturally... its ... a sight to behold... unlike others who are tainted by their 7 sins...

~also , i found a pretty interesting amateur singer on youtube, by the name of carmina topacio...

~shes pretty pretty... yea... resembles rinoa from ff7... but i think she's not bad at singing... and has a passion, which is important... i guess...

~reminds me of something important in life... that is to pursue what you really want... live your life worthwhile... at all cost? lolx... perhaps... .... don't quote me on that though...

~also i realise almost all the songs she sang were nice... i never came across such english songs before! MAYBE its her voice, and style that makes the songs nice... maybe... or maybe its just refreshing ... who knows? i love old songs i guess.. like boyzone's all that i need... .... lolx... anyway... rock on carmina ! you are good... in good hands

~she pulled me back from the brink of me losing myself... losing my humanity.... thank... god?... thank you...